Month: April 2014

Buzz, Buzz, Welcome Home Peter and Barbara!

By now you may have, or should have, read my other stories about my dad’s phone buzzer and all of its inappropriate uses. He liked to hook it up to light switches or other power sources that required a person to turn on the power thinking they were turning something else on. This buzzer had a nasty habit of showing up where people least expected it and never asked for it. This buzzer was, and still is, a tool of evil behavior by a mischievous person. This thing was loud, extremely loud. I know where I was “auditorily” attacked by this thing but I am sure he used it elsewhere too. Lord knows how many of his friends were subjected to these random attacks of noise.

I do know of one such occasion where some family friends were subjected to this thing. I do not have all the details but what I do know is that our long-time friends, Peter and Barbara Guy, had gone out of town for whatever reason and we had access to their house. I think it was to feed the family pets. So perhaps what happened to them upon their return was no one else’s fault but their own. They trusted the wrong people to keep an eye on things. They had made the same mistake on prior leaves of absence so you would think they would eventually learn.

At some point during their absence, my father planted the buzzer as far under their bed as he could and plugged it into the switched outlet that was traditionally used for some “bedside” lamps, or so I think that was the case. This thing was buried deep and seemed to have the ability to “throw” it’s sound as if it were coming from every nook or cranny of the room. After a somewhat frustrating search for the device, it is my understanding that Peter and Barbara opted to go without the use of the lights for the duration of their evening. Morning would soon arrive and there would be more time and energy to find the device then.

As I have said before, “I am amazed how many friends my dad has, all things considered.” Where is the buzzer now? I will never tell, but if Peter and Barbara would like to make use of it, I am sure I can make that happen. Remember, revenge is a meal best served cold.

Buzz, Buzz, Please Pass the Milk or a Beer depending upon the Time of Day

All we wanted was something from the refrigerator, it does not matter what we needed.  What ever it was we got way more than we bargained for.  From upstairs or in the basement of our house, we could always tell when someone fell victim to another one of my dad’s “buzzer” jokes. In fact, I am sure the whole neighborhood could tell.  He recycled his jokes like yesterday’s news until every family member and most of his friends and neighbors had experienced the gag. Some of my friends were too nervous to come over not knowing what to expect next.

At some point on one of my Dad’s job sites he came across one of those phone buzzers, the ones intended to be mounted on the outside of a building to alert the crew of an incoming phone call in the office. The old phone systems put out enough voltage to trigger the buzzer to go off. Like I said, I am not sure when or where he came across this device, on a job site or perhaps from a friend but I can tell you that life in the Beck House would never be the same from that moment forward. This thing had a nasty habit of showing up when we least expected it, and in the most unexpected places…

On more than one occasion it showed up inside the refrigerator. It was real simple to wire up, all you had to do was to screw out the light bulb inside on the back wall of the refrigerator, attach the cord to one of those outlets you could get that would screw into a light socket and plug the buzzer in. He would then set the buzzer inside on any one of the shelves where he could find room, close the door and sit back and wait.

With a family of six, with only one in “the know”, it did not take long for a victim to show up. Unfortunately, in the mornings that was usually our mom in the throes of making breakfast and packing lunches. Friends often showed up in the mornings as well so there were days when more than one person fell victim. How my dad had a wife and so many friends is a mystery to me.

When the unsuspecting person nonchalantly opened the refrigerator, all hell broke loose. This thing was loud, and I do mean loud! I am amazed we did not have to keep clean pairs of underwear, in all sizes, near by. Stunned by the cacophony, many victims just stood there in shock. Others slammed the refrigerator door and stormed out. If my memory serves me correctly I think a number of profanities were also uttered with “Neil” in the beginning of the rant or at then end, or at both ends. For about a year, or what seemed longer, this device showed up on a regular basis and just about all of us fell victim to its prey.

Funny how we all had a good laugh when we were not the one getting buzzed! Where is the buzzer now? I will never tell…..

Buzz, Buzz, Wakie, Wakie!

There is nothing better than a good practical joke to start out the day; For that matter, practical jokes seemed to be appropriate at any hour of the day in our house. That said, mornings tended to work the best. For the first 14 or so years of my life our old Victorian house had only one bathroom and it was right off the kitchen. When the house was originally built, a quick trip to the back yard was required in order to relieve yourself. All other bathing activities and morning rituals were done from the comfort of the house. During the depression, as a necessity as well as an opportunity to help out a relative with some needed income, my grandfather, John A. Beck, decided the time had come to add a mudroom and bathroom to the house. Additional bathrooms were not added until the early 1980’s after we had moved our house from its original location on Hopkins Street to the west end. (See related story: “Let’s Move to the West End in our Mobile Victorian“) A year or so after the move we finally plumbed in a second bathroom in the basement.

With only one bathroom for most of my formative years and six family members sharing it as best they could, it was an unwanted “focal point” in the house and located in the worst possible place. Every morning there was a constant parade of family members making their way through the Kitchen to the bathroom in hopes that it was available. With a television that was always blaring and constant activity in the kitchen, there was rarely a time that we used the bathroom without others waiting nearby or just going about daily activities.

My father had this loud, very loud phone “buzzer” that entered the picture much to the surprise of everyone near by, neighbors and all. This thing showed up in our bathroom, refrigerator (See related story: “Buzz, Buzz, Please Pass the Milk or a Beer depending upon the Time of Day“) and even in the homes of family friends.

My dad liked putting the device in the bathroom and wired it to the one and only light switch, which happened to be right next to the bathroom door, but on the outside of the bathroom. The first person needing to use the bathroom would be in for a surprise. There were often times that one or more of the kids would actually race, literally run, to get there first which only added to the surprise. As a matter of habit, we would “hit” switch halfway through the door and on those occasions where the device was wired up and ready, all hell broke loose followed by a roar of laughter, which no one could hear over the noise of the buzzer. I am sure we looked like a bunch of laughing mimes. As quickly as the victim could, they went back to the switch, turned it off and slammed the door as they entered the bathroom for the second time. For many of us, once was never enough. As the occupant of the bathroom calmed down and their pulse dropped below 200 one of us on the outside would hit the switch for a second time. That was just evil, but additional laughter ensued. Finding where it was plugged in was easy and in no time it was unplugged once and for all.

This went on day in and day out, especially when friends were over or if out-of-town guests were staying with us. No matter your age or sense of humor, you were a potential target for my dad and his buzzer. Where is the buzzer now? I refuse to tell….

The Self Cleaning Litterbox

Growing up with pets as a child is no surprise.  Neither are the unique things each pet does for no rhyme or reason.  Be it dogs, cats, horses, donkeys or rabbits, and yes, we had them all, each one did things that made you laugh or make you want to give them away. We had the usual fish, turtles and various rodents too and thankfully they did what was expected, nothing special.

It seems like we always had a dog and a cat no matter what other pets came and went.  As for dogs, the preferred and only breed my parents would get was German Shepards.  Some were long haired and others were the garden variety, short haired versions.  All shed their fur on a daily basis with an added bonus in the spring.  We had some very smart dogs while others were dumber that the sticks they played with.  Some chewed tennis balls, one liked to chew on rocks and the rest settled for sticks or whatever piqued their interest at the time.

Despite their vast differences they all shared one very discusting proclivity.  They liked to eat kitty litter, or more spcifically; what is often found buried in the litter.  You know, the reason you purchased the kitty litter in the first place.  No matter where we put the litter boxes, up high, down low, in crampted spaces or out in the open the dogs found those little golden nuggets.  If we cleaned the box every day, which we rarely did, the dogs almost always beat us to the task of cleaning out the buried treasures.  Dogs being dogs, the only thing they seemed to crave more than a snack on cat poop was a good “scratchin'” or belly rub and they rewarded us by licking our face.  Only then, or when they showed us the courtesy of belching in our face, did we realize what they had been upto before gracing us with their love and affection.

If I could have figured out how to get the cats to clean up the yard in the same manner as the dogs did the litterboxes then it would have all been worth it.

Archie, Floyd, Schwartz, Schultz and Jerome, thanks for the lasting memory!